Breaking Chains: A Journey from Addiction to Purpose
- Bob Hayes
- Jul 10
- 12 min read
A story of hope, redemption, and the transformative power of God's love | 15 minute read
Summary: Joe’s journey from childhood fears to alcohol addiction, rock bottom, and ultimate redemption through faith and recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, this story offers hope that no one is beyond the reach of healing.
I recently had the privilege of sitting down with my friend Joe for a podcast conversation that left me deeply moved and profoundly inspired. Joe’s story is one of raw honesty, devastating lows, and ultimately, miraculous transformation. This blog is dedicated to all those who struggle with addiction or know someone who does. No matter how dark the night, there is hope. Joe shares his journey from slavery to breaking the chains that once bound him, and his story serves as a beacon of light for anyone walking through their own valley of shadows.
The Foundation of Fear
Joe’s story begins in Schenectady, New York, in 1985, where he was born into a loving family as something of a surprise addition. Joe was the first new baby in the family in 12 years, with his closest older brother being 12 years his senior. When Joe was seven, his family moved to Ohio, then Massachusetts, and finally settled in Florida when Joe was 19 years old.
But beneath the surface of this seemingly normal childhood, something darker was taking root. From as early as six years old, Joe was plagued by what he describes as “unhealthy fears.” He remembers thinking he was going to die of a heart attack at six years old—an unnatural fear for a child that age. These fears would become a defining characteristic of his early life, creating a foundation of anxiety and dread that would influence every relationship and decision he made.
Joe’s perception of God during these formative years was equally troubling. Though he grew up around Christians, his image of God was that of a punishing deity. His parents would tell him that if he stubbed his toe after talking back to them, “that’s God getting back at you for talking back to your parents.” This created a defensive relationship with the divine, where Joe felt he was constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that any misstep would result in divine retribution.
The Chronic Sense of Lack
As Joe grew older, these early fears morphed into what he describes as a “chronic sense of lack” and a persistent feeling that he didn’t belong anywhere. Whether it was the first day of school, going to church, attending events, or even visiting amusement parks, Joe felt completely alone in a room full of people. He carried a deep-seated belief that he was somehow fraudulent, though he couldn’t articulate what he was being fraudulent about.
This feeling of not being good enough permeated every aspect of his life. Even after meeting Erica, whom he married, and starting a family, Joe struggled with putting on what he called “a cardboard cutout of the way I want people to see me.” He felt like people could see through his facade, and this constant performance was exhausting and isolating.
A Glimmer of Hope
It was Erica who first introduced Joe to the possibility of a different kind of picture of God. She would gently share little tidbits about God’s love. This led Joe to begin studying the Bible, where he encountered a radically different image of God than the punishing deity of his childhood. Instead of a God who was waiting to strike him down for every mistake, Joe discovered a God of love, mercy, and grace.
On December 13, 2014, Joe made the decision to be baptized. It was a beautiful experience that he describes as his “public display that I believed in the Gospel.” The verses he had heard as a child were no longer just words on a page—they became a living reality that spoke to his heart. For the first time, Joe began to see God’s love explained throughout the Old and New Testaments, and he became enthralled with this information that had been in front of him but that he had never truly seen before.
The Struggle Continues
However, baptism didn’t solve Joe’s deep-seated issues with self-image and belonging. He still felt like a fraud among other Christians who seemed to have it all together. When a pastor he was particularly close to moved to another church, Joe’s world collapsed. During a group Bible study with teenagers, the words in his Bible literally looked like “Egyptian hieroglyphics” to him. He couldn’t read, understand, or comprehend anything. This embarrassing moment marked the end of his church involvement for a long time.
During this period, Joe turned to food for comfort, a pattern that had begun in childhood. Food became his crutch, his way of finding peace and comfort when everything else felt chaotic. By this time, Joe weighed well over 300 pounds, and his health was suffering. He was pre-diabetic and couldn’t keep up with his young children physically.
The Search for a Solution
Desperate to change his life and believing that fixing his self-image might solve his deeper problems, Joe decided to undergo gastric sleeve surgery. But the doctors warned Joe that if the problem was still “up here”—pointing to his head—the surgery would never truly solve anything. They required him to undergo six weeks of counseling and therapy before the surgery, and while some surface layers of his issues were addressed, much deeper problems remained buried.
The procedure reduced his stomach to the size of a banana, making it physically impossible to eat large quantities of food. Joe lost about 80 pounds at his lowest weight, and for a while, things seemed to be improving. His third child, daughter Ava, was born, and the family moved into a new house in early 2020.
The Descent into Darkness
With food no longer available as his primary coping mechanism, Joe turned to alcohol. He had drunk since he was 21 but had generally stayed away from it because he knew he tended to drink too much. However, after the surgery, his mother suggested he have a drink to help him relax and sleep. Due to his reduced stomach size, one drink got him completely intoxicated—more drunk than he had ever been in his life.
But instead of being alarmed, Joe was hooked. For the first time in his 33 years of life, he felt comfortable in his own skin. The alcohol seemed to give him courage, strength, and positivity. It made him feel like he could walk into any room and belong there. It was doing for him what he could not do for himself, and he loved it.
What started as an occasional drink quickly became a nightly routine. Joe began to drink hard liquor every single night until he passed out. He progressed to drinking Absinthe, a licorice-flavored liquor that was over 120 proof, despite hating the taste of licorice. The high alcohol content was all that mattered.
The Devastating Impact
The effects of Joe’s drinking on his family were subtle at first but increasingly destructive. His children began to keep their distance, sensing that something was different about daddy when he drank. Joe would read bedtime stories while intoxicated, convinced he was “Father of the Year” while slurring through Dr. Seuss books. His wife Erica tried to shield the children and would tell them to “stay away from daddy right now” or “let daddy be alone.”
Joe’s relationship with Erica became a roller coaster of arguments, apologies, and broken promises. When she began hiding his liquor, Joe would curse her out in anger, unable to see that she was trying to help him out of love. The cycle of guilt, shame, and remorse became a daily reality. Joe would wake up each morning not remembering how he got to bed, experiencing what he now recognizes as blackouts, then spend the day getting through it just so he could drink and pass out again that night.
The Turning Point
The turning point came during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Joe had just started a new job in Central Florida that he thought he wanted, but it added significant stress to his life. Then, both of his parents contracted COVID-19 and were hospitalized on the same day. His father recovered in five days, but his mother was sent to the ICU.
The last time Joe saw his mother was on Father’s Day 2020, and the last time he spoke to her was July 4, 2020. Due to COVID restrictions, the family couldn’t visit her in the hospital. They would sit outside Flagler Hospital in St. Augustine, hoping she knew they were there, writing notes and sending pictures. It was heartbreaking and infuriating for Joe, who felt helpless and angry at being kept from his dying mother.
When the doctors finally told the family that Joe’s mother was brain dead, they made the excruciating decision to remove her from life support. Joe held his mother’s hand as she died, watching her body go through involuntary motions while knowing that “there’s nobody behind the wheel anymore.” It was an experience that would haunt him forever.
After taking his father home from the hospital, Joe went to the liquor store, bought a handle of Jim Beam, and sat in his bathtub crying and drinking until he passed out. For the next ten days leading up to the funeral, he would wake up with anxiety attacks so severe that his pulse would make the sheets on his pillow move, and he would drink until he passed out again.
This marked the transition from alcohol being a luxury to being a necessity. Joe was now drinking simply to survive.
The Final Straw
The stress of his new job, combined with his grief and escalating alcoholism, created a perfect storm. Joe was now a supervisor responsible for 16 people, but he was more of a boss than a leader—someone who liked telling people what to do and appearing to be the smartest person in the room. His work schedule became more demanding, with on-call responsibilities seven days a week, and he had to drink more just to cope with the mounting pressure.
His relationship with Erica continued to deteriorate. They tried marriage therapy, and Joe even put himself $22,000 in debt remodeling their house, believing that if he made Erica happy, she would let him continue drinking the way he wanted to. But his apologies and promises had become meaningless. As Joe learned later, “words without action are manipulation.”
The moment that changed everything came in March 2022, when Erica’s concern finally turned to apathy. She didn’t give him an ultimatum—she simply stated a fact: “I can’t live with you anymore. I’d rather live out on the street than sit here another minute with you and watch you kill yourself.” The decision had been made. There was no negotiation, no conditions—just the stark reality that his wife, who loved him deeply, could no longer watch him destroy himself and their family.
The Beginning of Recovery
Desperate and finally willing to admit he needed help, Joe looked up a 12-step program and attended his first meeting. What he found there was revolutionary: people who had lives similar to his, and some who had lives much worse, were not only able to stop drinking but were living full, complete, happy, and joyous lives. Joe was miserable in every direction, meeting every challenge with hostility and absence, but these people had something he desperately wanted.
Joe believes that willingness is the key to recovery. When he gave just an ounce of willingness and said, “God, I need help,” he was exactly where he needed to be, hearing what he needed to hear. God answered that simple prayer in a big way.
Initially, Joe was scared by the spiritual component of the program. He had tried God before, and it hadn’t worked. But the men he met included atheists and agnostics who were living wonderful, beautiful lives. They had the confidence, happiness, and joy that Joe wanted, and they were doing it through the program. Joe decided to approach God with a different perspective this time, saying, “God, I know I’ve tried this before, but maybe I need a different perspective this time.”
The Journey to Freedom
April 28, 2022, became Joe’s sobriety date—his first full day without alcohol. But sobriety was just the beginning of his journey. The 12-step program required him to do deep work on himself, including writing down his resentments and fears. He learned that resentment blocks him from being a channel of God’s love to others, and if he can’t be a channel of God’s love, he’s nothing.
This process revealed uncomfortable truths about himself, including character defects and ways he had been unfaithful in his marriage. He had to face these facts in black and white and share them with someone he trusted. Then came the crucial step of making amends—not just apologizing, but actually trying to set things right, like setting a broken bone so it can heal properly.
The first person Joe made amends to was Erica. She had gone through hell with him for years, not just during his drinking but from the very beginning of their relationship. Yet she had never given up on him, which Joe sees as a testament to God’s love working through her.
The Unexpected Blessing
About a year into his sobriety, Joe faced another major challenge when the company he had worked for and sacrificed for over 18 years released him from his position. Initially, this was a devastating blow to his ego—he had never been fired from a job in his entire life. But his friends in recovery told him, “God did for you what you couldn’t do for yourself. You never would have quit that job.”
They were right. Joe’s job had been competing with God as a higher power in his life, and it needed to be removed. What seemed like a catastrophe became one of the greatest blessings of his life. With his severance package providing eight weeks of pay and benefits, Joe had no financial worries and no excuses. God had taken all the obstacles away and given him the gift of time.
During those eight weeks, Joe got to be “just dad”—not Joe the supervisor who happened to be a father, but simply a dad and husband. For the first time, he knew his children’s teachers’ names, what grades they were in, and what projects they were working on. He helped with homework and was present in ways his family had needed for years. Joe fell in love with his family on a deeper level than he had ever experienced before.
Life Today
Today, Joe describes his life as “beyond my wildest dreams.” He has spiritual tools that he uses daily: prayer, meditation, and listening for God’s guidance. He starts each day by putting his plans before God and listening for what God wants him to do. His purpose is clear: to be helpful to God’s children, no matter their age or background.
Joe has developed what he calls “God consciousness”—the ability to pause before reacting, to practice restraint of pen and tongue. While he still faces challenges, he has an insurance policy against his old destructive patterns through his daily spiritual practices.
Perhaps most importantly, Joe no longer sees the difficult experiences of his life as purely negative. He holds both the good and the bad with equal value because he recognizes that he wouldn’t grow spiritually if everything was always going great. When things go sideways, he knows he will grow from the experience.
His relationship with his children has been completely transformed. They now run to him when he walks in the door. His relationship with Erica is beautiful, built on a foundation of honesty, amends, and genuine change rather than empty promises. Joe has also restored relationships with his father and sister, making amends for the damage his drinking caused to those relationships as well.
A Message of Hope
The smile that lights up Joe’s face when he talks about his life today is what he calls his “victory smile.” It’s the smile of someone who has been set free, who has discovered his purpose, and who knows without a doubt that God’s love is stronger than any addiction, any fear, or any chain that seeks to bind us.
His story is ultimately one of hope and redemption. From a man who had accepted that alcohol would kill him and was okay with that outcome, he has become someone who lives each day with purpose and joy. His journey from the depths of addiction to a life of service and spiritual growth demonstrates that no one is beyond the reach of God’s love and grace.
For anyone struggling with addiction or other life-controlling issues, Joe’s message is simple but profound: “If you have knowledge that you need help, trust God, clean house—meaning address what’s happened in your past—and then when you get through that experience and you learn, and you have that relationship with God, whatever God of your understanding, start small, but when you get there, pass it on to others. Send the solution on to others.”
Joe’s story reminds us that God can take the most broken situations and create something beautiful. The chains that once bound him—fear, addiction, shame, and despair—have been broken, and in their place stands a man who has found his true identity as a beloved child of God, called to help others find their way out of darkness and into the light.
No matter how dark your night may be, Joe’s story stands as proof that dawn is coming. The God who delivered Joe from the depths of addiction and despair is the same God who is ready to meet you wherever you are and begin the work of breaking the chains that bind you. Your story of freedom is waiting to be written.
Need Help? You're Not Alone
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction:
Crisis Support:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Addiction Resources:
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (24/7, free, confidential)
Alcoholics Anonymous: aa.org
Narcotics Anonymous: na.org
Al-Anon (for families): al-anon.org
Remember: Recovery is possible. You are worthy of help, healing, and hope.
Share This Story
If Joe's story touched your heart, please share it. Someone in your network might need to read this message of hope today.
📧 Have a story to share? We'd love to hear from you. Email us at hello@loveshaped.life
Comentários